a chat with socrates

by Feng

me: i’m weird, how are you?
anagram of wired style
Jamison: weird in what way?
me: i have no world
i’m always confused
Jamison: man, ain’t nobody really got nothing
me: i know but it feels weird
right?
Jamison: for now, cause it’s summer
having nothing on august 18th is kind of awesome though
also, on october 30th
just hold out for those dates
can i show you a poem and hear your thoughts on it? it is not one of mine

though
me: what i’m confused
yes
show me a poem
what is aug 18
Jamison: it’s just a day
but it’s typically a nice day
me: i see
Jamison: and the weather’s wonderful and people are in a good mood and things don’t seem as weird
me: unforch this is not helping me feel less lonely for a world
but i guess i have the book
as jabes would say
so show me ur poems
pom poms before i fall asleep
Jamison: not my poem, just one i’ve been habitually reading outloud every night for the past two weeks
me: yeah
Jamison: i had to email it, it was too long
why shouldn’t people be lonely?
me: i aint said that
sometimes i just feel like i want to be more capable
Jamison: capable to do what?
me: people who succeed believe in their illusions
Jamison: not magicians
me: being a person
i’m reading a poem, socrates!
Jamison: what is “succeed”?
me: i like it so far
you know, the thing that capitalists do in america
Jamison: what does the dude who was in the original bill and ted have to do with this? is he famous from somewhere else?
me: naw, just an american flavor is what i mean
like with the enthusiasm and stuff
and individualism and crap
Jamison: and those are all things that sound awesome and all, but it also doesn’t sound like you’re too excited by them– is that bad?
me: this poem is great
i’m very tired
ugh they sound shitty
like the shit in this poem
Jamison: it’s all shit from the north and radiation from the west
me: i’m only into shit because i get tired of being confused and lonely
idle is the devils something something
Jamison: which one’s more troubling? confusion or lonliness?
me: confusion. lonely only because confused
i can’t really separate them
i think i must read this poem multiple times too
Jamison: good, let me know what you think of it when it’s not kajillion a.m. your time
me: ok what do u think?
i like it
it makes me glad
Jamison: about the poem or in general?
me: both?
in order
Jamison: in regards to the poem, the voice of it makes me feel less confused/lonely, but the content makes me feel heartbroken/isolated in a way i kind f like
*of
in general, i don’t think; i’m just doing things to do thing
s
me: i like “death isn’t cold, dark and quiet”
Jamison: better still, it’s a manta ray
me: i feel like part of success is doing things to do things
which i have a hard time doing
do do
shit
Jamison: haha
that actually made me laugh out loud
me: :)
i smiled a smile
i like this poem even though i often like poems less when they are “masculine”
i think i am sexist which might be bad
Jamison: it’s got a sense of machismo-sort-of authority, but it constantly undercuts it, and the voice is really vulnerable but also kind of detached
me: i agree w/ the undercutting. but there is another thing that i can’t put my finger on
Jamison: why is it bad?
(the sexism)
me: that makes it man man
um
because it’s just me being unfair
and doing the thing i hate other ppl doing
pre-judging
Jamison: i dug ugly fish, and i’ve been teaching a lot of the more sexist parts of it in a way that opens up discussion about the issues at stake
me: i don’t find it that vulnerable… just a peek of it which is intense
oh cool
ugly fish is full of itself
Jamison: i think of desperation as vulnerability
me: oh interesting
Jamison: yeah, but it creates a dialogue– i’d rather read something that takes a stance that i don’t agree with than something that trys to pander to everyone
me: i agree becos i am an ugly fish
Jamison: ugly fish life foreva
ugly fish in a pretty bowl =(
me: aw
that was great
do u feel like an ugly fish in a pretty bowl in a pile of shit? i do
Jamison: yeah, but mainly because of the kissy-faces that all fishes make
me: i want to be a student in your class
Jamison: i just act like an old man who loves books
me: haha
Jamison: that’s all my classes are
i pretend i’m a 60 year old southern gentleman, and i talk about things i love
me: that sounds great
i want to listen to that
can i enroll
like a sushi
inside the seaweed of your class
i will say things and then you will make my things into questions
and tell me about books you love
Jamison: i’d be really happy with that; i really want to see you talk about your work though
me: in class?
i guess i would have to
i’m not very good at it. it’s like that distancing thing that is difficult
Jamison: i’d still like to hear it
me: like when someone is good at baseball but then says stupid things when interviewed
i’d be like, “well, I feel the ball’s curvature”
Jamison: that’s stupid?
me: lol
it’s not insight
Jamison: it kind of is; it’s frank and it breaks things down to basics (the physical presence of the ball) but also implies a deep level of comfort with the action (by focussing solely on the object)
it just depends on how you listen to it
me: that is true
you are one of the greatest ears i know
you are like a huge ear with many tiny ears inside
kind of horrifying
Jamison: it is horrifying
me: if i saw your true nature i would probably freak out
and run away or faint
and remain in a coma for years
Jamison: swoon? it’d be sweat to know that people still swooned
wait, sweet not sweat
me: sweat can be sweet smelling

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